Okay so the other night Temo and I were at Applebee’s and as I walked in I spotted my “friend” I keep talking about at the bar. He didn’t talk to me. It was so awkward. I caught him look in my direction a few times. I’m wondering if he really did show the cops my crazy messages I’d sent in my delusional state and they said for him not to talk to me. I guess my weirdness really scared him off. I spoke to his good friend that was with him though.
Anyways, I realize I really do want to experience lesbian sex after my fun experience with Temo and Niekko at Xotica’s on Saturday night. I changed my POF profile to a lesbian profile, and found this Alma chick I’d met on Craigslist months ago. I also met a nice, slightly older lady named Vonny that lives in San Juan.
This probably sounds crazy, or maybe it’s the fact my “friend” I bring up so much lately and I were never a couple so I’m not “fed up” with him, but I feel like I don’t want a man to replace what I feel for him. I’m wondering if this coomes with the “virgin cling” territory or something. Normally, after a relationship or “friendship” ends I want to meet a man that I hope to marry eventually. But, it’s like this short-lived “fling” I had felt so perfect, despite the fact that there were some things that could’ve been better, like receiving more texts from him about his interests and such. I know he was a very busy man with his career and all and he suggested it was unusual for two friends that were just fucking to text like that. Well, it wasn’t for Jacinto and me!
But, he did sound happy to hear from me the few times I’d called him. I know he said he didn’t like texting either and I actually prefer phone calls too unlike so many people nowadays. And he told me he enjoyed our conversations we’d have the times we “hooked up”. I think there’s a chance he liked me too, but wanted to keep “playing the field” instead. I noticed he’d checked out all the threads in my Language Lovers group that I’d added him to.
He said he hoped to be with the “one” by the time he’s 40. I wish I was the “one” he was talking about. One of the last times we hung out, probably 3rd to last, he hugged me like he didn’t want to let me go. It was so sweet. I thought why doesn’t he ask me to sleepover, be his girlfriend, something? So, I’m assuming he’s “playing the field” until he finds the “one”.
He looked sad the day I came out of the Renaissance Behavior Center and we “hooked up”. He really is a sweetheart! I wish I could’ve had him longer! Even though this wasn’t a relationship, this is a perfect memory of what I always wanted in a man… a tough strong guy that’s a softie that made me feel genuinely cared about and didn’t get me to spend money on him and never gave me empty promises.
The thought of replacing this “love” (I suppose I must be in some sort of love? Even though this “fling was so short-lived?) with a new love for a new man just doesn’t feel right. It’s like I want to remember this as everything I’d always wanted, minus the marriage and kids, and don’t yearn for a new man to create better memories to replace these. So yeah, a huge part of me hopes I’ll here from him again somewhere down the line…
In the meanwhile…
back to my lesbo fantasies…
On Saturday Temo and I went to Applebee’s and then to Xotica’s. Boy did I have a blast! Xotica’s was so much better than Jaguars and Tex Mex! The ladies there are more attentive, some are more attractive some just as attractive and some not as attractive, but I felt valued as a customer ‘cause they dance for you longer and really make you feel special! I’ve always had a tendency to check out women and have been bicurious since my Freshman or Sophomore year in high school. Anyways, I got aroused as the lovely ladies danced on me especially when they rubbed their boobs on my face. I was so horny when I got home!
I totally want to take my “curiosity” to the next level… especially now that I don’t desire a man and feel like I never want to replace my special “friend”.. well maybe not never but certainly not yet…
Now I’d love to have sex with a feminine woman.. I think they’re called lipstick lesbians… and see what direction we’ll take it. Based on how I felt at Xotica’s I’m certain I’ll enjoy it. I hope it’s beautiful, special, romantic.. of course my virginity loss to men at the age of 14 sure as hell wasn’t.. and if you’ve paid attention to my blogs you know why! But what could go wrong with my virginity loss with a woman?
Oh yeah, last but certainly not least, this guy “friend” I keep speaking of is the first “friend” I’ve ever had this level of admiration and respect for. I never even had this level of admiration for my exes. This special “friend” is hardworking and ambitious. He’s held the same job for 18 years at the same company. He’s very intelligent too. And, of course, he’s the most handsome of my exes and prior “friends”. He’s so kind and so much fun to be around.