I was just thinking of how through my darkest days (of adulthood) God called me back to His light and His loving embrace. At times I regret certain things from my past despite the fact I often say regret is pointless. But I do regret times I’ve wronged others and also regret things that happened to me that were beyond my control too.
Crack abuse led me to Charlie’s Place in 2011. For a long time I was an agnostic. A lot of people confuse agnostics and atheists but agnostics do believe there’s something greater like a God and atheists don’t believe in God. Agnostics don’t believe in a certain belief system and believe that man doesn’t have all the answers.
While in Charlie’s Place I learned about the Twelve Step Program. If I remember the steps correctly I think step 2 is the step in which you come to believe in a power greater than you that can restore you to sanity. Although I was raised mainly in a Catholic church and also exposed to other Christian denomination’s teachings, and despite the fact I thought Jesus teachings were wonderful, I didn’t want to be like so many of my peers and have Him as my Higher Power. You see in the Twelve Step Program you can call on whoever you want as your HP as long as that power gets you through this disease.
Since I’ve always been interested in mythologies, including Norse mythology, and also due to my love of history and interest in the Viking era, I chose the Norse goddess Freya as my HP. I had looked up goddesses at the library and had read that she was a goddess of fertility and at the time I really wanted children. I figured not only would she get me through this disease but would also bless me with what I wanted so much then.
The Twelve Step Program created this seed in me. Although I didn’t continue with the Twelve Step Program after rehab and relapsed several times, I decided to start going to church again. I had fond memories of the Catholic church since we went regularly as a family ever since I was the age of 9 until 13 so I decided to visit St. Joseph’s in Edinburg. I saw an ad (or whatever you call it) posted in the bulletin about a Catholic young adult retreat. I called the number and either spoke to someone to leave a message or I left a message on the voicemail. A few times I spoke to two different girls. It didn’t cost much to register for this weekend retreat, but I rarely had much money. Plus, I’d never been on a retreat so I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. But another part of me was really curious what it would be like. I ended up going. It was such a wonderful, moving, humbling experience. It restored my faith in God and love for Jesus. I vowed never to turn my back on Him again and take His love for granted.
Since that retreat I’ve been on two more as a retreatant and have staffed two also. I’ve been so blessed! I’ve made many wonderful friendships. I try a lot harder to be a better person. I know God doesn’t expect perfection either.
Romans 3:23King James Version (KJV)
23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Sometimes I fear my squeaky clean friends might think I’m wild ’cause of some of the things I repost on Facebook. But the important thing is I know what’s in my heart and God knows too.
So yeah from out of darkness God brought me to His light. ❤