I went to a bariatric surgeon today for a consultation to get a Revision from the Lap Band to the Gastric Bypass.  The people that know I’ve got a Lap Band are my family and some of my closest friends.  I don’t like to tell people because I currently weigh 265 pounds so I feel like a failure.  Plus, I feel like people watch me eat curious when I feel full.  I do eat less than I used to.  I used to eat 2-3 plates of food in one sitting.  When I went out to eat I ALWAYS wanted an appetizer to share, an entree that there’s no way in hell I’d be willing to share, and a dessert to share.  It was really difficult to feel satisfied.  Even in my drinking and drugging days I still wanted to eat a lot.  (I add this because some alcoholics and drug addicts don’t want to eat because of their alcoholism and/or addiction.)  

Now, I have a tendency to want to eat like a normal person, one full plate, despite often feeling full 1/3 of the way or 1/2 of the way into my meal.  I’m sure it’s a psychological problem because I didn’t adequately prepare myself for this lifestyle before going through the surgery.  But, fortunately, lately I’m getting better at stopping when I feel full.  Many people believe surgery is the “easy way out”, and I wish it was, but it’s not.  At times I’ve wished I didn’t have this band around my stomach forcing me to eat less.  I can still eat candy but candy comes with many calories even in small portions.  I’m getting better at stopping before I feel my stomach churning ending up with my rushing to the toilet to vomit.  I’m proud of myself that last night when I took my BFF and Mom out to eat I saved some of my plate to take home instead of devouring all of it which is what I’ve tried doing for far too long.  

It’s not easy to be mentally prepared to eat small portions.  I know that very well.  Sometimes I take a look around and think why can’t I at least eat a full normal portion like some thin people I see doing.  I don’t care about eating 2-3 plates anymore; that’s why I went through this experience.  But, it’s really hard, especially since so many gatherings and celebrations revolve around food.  The holidays are around the corner too but I’m gonna be strong this year.  I’m doing great with my not drinking, drugging, and smoking; I think I’m ready to tackle this battle now too, even with all these holidays.  Besides, it’s always something throughout the year:  my birthday in January, Valentine’s in February, St. Patrick’s Day in March, the list goes on and on.

So, in case you’re curious the bariatric surgeon wants me to see a nutritionist as a refresher on how and what to eat and to get a “fill” since I’ve only had one.  I only had one “fill” because the time I got one I was “overfilled” and had to return to the ER, so it freaked me out a little.  I didn’t lose weight from the first “fill” either so I gave up for a few years and became comfortable where I am.  I know I’ve got a pretty face, but it’s not about looks.  I have various health conditions that I can reverse such as Diabetes and high cholesterol.  AND, it would be nice to have that better looking physique too!  Another thing that freaked me out was when I saw a vlog in which the girl claimed that the Lap Band is like having sandpaper rubbing against your stomach.  Fortunately, I found out that’s not true.  So, my desire was to get a Revision because why get it removed and leave it at that since it’s a new surgery and has to be paid for by insurance, might as well get a Revision I thought.  

I’m pleased with the doctor’s recommendations since I know he’s the best one to know how to handle this of course.  I’m gonna improve my eating habits before I even see the nutritionist next Tuesday.  I remember some of the advice:  high protein, low carb, no drinking and eating at the same time because you can flush food through quicker (which is a rule I’ve broken for a long time in order to eat more), avoid alcohol and smoking (which I’m already doing really good at), small portions more frequently instead of a few large portions, mostly stuff I’m sure many people have already heard.  

I signed up to begin the “Real Food” pledge on 100 Days of Real Food’s site on Monday.  It’s a ten day pledge but I hope to make it a lifestyle.  Basically you give up all these highly processed foods.  I’m looking forward to seeing the nutritionist next Tuesday and am gonna actually apply what she tells me to my lifestyle as well.  I can’t afford to get my “fill” til next month since my insurance doesn’t pay for the fills, but on the plus side I can better prepare myself for it this month, since the “fill” will give me more restriction.  Another thing I think might be good for me is joining a Twelve Step Program for food addicts such as Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous and getting a sponsor.

The surgeon said with “fills” every few months people tend to lose 5-10 pounds a month which equals about 50-100 in a year.  I’m sure I could lose even more with exercise on top of eating much less.  In the event behavior modification and “fills” don’t work we’ll do a Revision.  He assured me that having this Lap Band in my body is safe for life.  Sometimes it freaks me out having this foreign object in my body, but I don’t want to go back to having my stomach without restriction.  He compared it to people that have breast implants that they keep for life.  I feel relieved now.  Anyways, I’ve done it before, I can do it again, I just need to put my mind to it.  This is all I got.  ^_^



P.S.  Oh yeah, in the past I’ve shared that I don’t want to be invited to bars, well now that I aim to improve in this aspect of my life I don’t wish to be invited to dine out or have coffee ’til I gain better willpower.  Of course, tomorrow I’m celebrating my little sister’s birthday, but I’ll make an exception for that.  (My goal was to get more on top of my eating habits FOR SURE starting next Monday.  I got this!)  Y’all are probably like Ginger just keeps coming with more and more restrictions on what we can do together.  lol  There’s lots of fun to do still like go to the movies, go bowling, go to the beach, go swimming, get our nails done or pamper ourselves however we like at the salon or spa, go shopping, etc, etc.!  ^_^


Also, feel free to comment.  Feel free to share what works with you in the battle against unhealthy food.  ^_^